Self-Care, No Filter.

(Not Suitable for Instagram)

Self-care isn’t always pretty.

Sure, sometimes it’s candlelight and a weighted blanket. The sacred quiet of a solo walk. The final chapter of a book you swore you’d finish three months ago.

Sometimes it is beautiful. Peaceful. Aesthetic, even.

But that’s not what I’m talking about here.

That version is easy to romanticize. Easy to post. Easy to chase like it’s the gold standard.

The kind I’m talking about? It’s the kind that doesn’t trend. It doesn’t match your grid. It doesn’t get likes. But it does get you through.

It looks like speaking every damn bit of your truth out loud… for practice.
It looks like walking your dog and letting go of shame when you decide to skip the gym.
It looks like pacing your kitchen with stress as your shadow and yet, choosing not to light up a cigarette.
It looks like closing your laptop mid-email because you hit a wall and needed to breathe.

I’ve never been the scream-in-the-car type.
But I have been the fall-to-pieces-once-I’m-home type.
The sit-in-silence-for-hours type.
The dissociate-and-scroll type.
The hide-in-my-cave-with-takeout type.

And honestly? Some days… that is my regulation.

Not ideal. Not Instagrammable. But real nonetheless.

The Performance Problem

Practice leads to resilience. Performance leads to validation.

Practice strengthens us. Builds pathways. Makes things possible. Practice benefits us.

Performance, though? Performance is about optics. It’s external. It’s curated. It’s “how did I look doing it?” instead of “how did I feel while living it?”

And when we treat self-regulation like something that has to look good to count, we rob it of its actual purpose and benefit.

Regulation is not a show. It’s not your glow-up moment.

It’s you, staying with yourself. It’s you, weathering the storm. It’s you, choosing presence, as messy and imperfect as it might be,

We don’t practice self-regulation to impress anyone. We practice to stay connected to ourselves when life disconnects us. We practice because our nervous systems remember what safety feels like. And every time we show up, we reinforce that memory.

It’s not cute. It’s courageous.

And it's NSFI.

The Realest Tools I Know

Let me give you a glimpse of  what my self-care actually looked like this week:

• Before I do anything else,  I sit up, sit still, and listen - Acknowledging my state of being, setting the tone for how I want to BE all week.

• Jammin' out on the way home after a long day at work.

• Cooking a full meal to slow a frantic mind

• Plunging my hands in an ice bath

• Canceling a meeting without over-explaining

• Staying in the shower longer than necessary because I wasn't ready to join the rest of society just yet.

Not pretty, but each one was backed by intention. Each one helped me stay in relationship with my own system.

That’s the point.

Because if regulation becomes just another thing we have to perform,
we’re back in the loop of pretending.

My Wingtips Could Use Polishing. Healing Work, Not So Much.

Healing is not linear.
Self-care is not a vibe.
Nervous system work is not for show.

Some days it looks like poetry.
Other days it looks like survival.

You just have to stay with yourself.
Long enough to hear what your body is trying to say.                       

Long enough to not abandon your own experience.

Long enough to remember your audience is of 1.

🌀 Resonance Prompt

What does your regulation look like when no one’s watching?
And how would it feel to let that version of you be enough?